Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Strange mood today...not sure quite how to describe it because I'm not really sure how I feel.
Last night we had a gathering at Matt's house and set fireworks off-or rather, Megan, Anna, and I watched as the others set fireworks off. Megan hates loud noises and Anna and I don't like fire. It was fun to watch from a distance though-except the times when I was more than a little freaked to watch my friends jump right over a firework in mid show and watch sparks fly up their shorts...*rolls eyes*
We went ice skating today. I, of course, stayed near the wall, nice and comfortable with my easy going pace. The others wanted me to come out and zoom around with them...but oh well. Matt got Ross to take me out there one time-he picked me up, set me down in the middle and flew around while holding me around the waist. I just stood there and couldn't even move my feet if I tried, so I was therefore zoomed around with him. After a lap around the rink I was taken back, shaking a little, to my wall :-) As I told the others, "the wall is my friend."
God, I'm such a fraidy cat. It really sucks; it's a stupid reason to get into arguments but somehow it happens anyway. I understand they didn't want to make me be on my own the whole time-but I'd rather be on my own and comfortable with what I'm doing than in a group and scared and not having any fun because of it.
"Just try." That's what I've been told. Does anyone have the sense to think that maybe I HAVE tried? Some peoples attitudes are just like mine, they just don't see it...there's plenty of things they refuse to do, either refusing to try or trying once and not liking it. I respect their descisions...or else I'd have had several of them out horseback riding by now, for one thing. I just wish sometimes people would understand my position too, or if nothing else give me the benifit of the doubt on it.
Still searching for a group activity I'm decent enough to blend in with the others at, and that everyone's willing to do...nothing so far.
I get to babysit two of my favorite kids tonight for the last time. They're moving tomorrow. They're coming over to my house because all of their stuff is packed and on its way to Virginia. This is going to be a tough goodbye.
Last night we had a gathering at Matt's house and set fireworks off-or rather, Megan, Anna, and I watched as the others set fireworks off. Megan hates loud noises and Anna and I don't like fire. It was fun to watch from a distance though-except the times when I was more than a little freaked to watch my friends jump right over a firework in mid show and watch sparks fly up their shorts...*rolls eyes*
We went ice skating today. I, of course, stayed near the wall, nice and comfortable with my easy going pace. The others wanted me to come out and zoom around with them...but oh well. Matt got Ross to take me out there one time-he picked me up, set me down in the middle and flew around while holding me around the waist. I just stood there and couldn't even move my feet if I tried, so I was therefore zoomed around with him. After a lap around the rink I was taken back, shaking a little, to my wall :-) As I told the others, "the wall is my friend."
God, I'm such a fraidy cat. It really sucks; it's a stupid reason to get into arguments but somehow it happens anyway. I understand they didn't want to make me be on my own the whole time-but I'd rather be on my own and comfortable with what I'm doing than in a group and scared and not having any fun because of it.
"Just try." That's what I've been told. Does anyone have the sense to think that maybe I HAVE tried? Some peoples attitudes are just like mine, they just don't see it...there's plenty of things they refuse to do, either refusing to try or trying once and not liking it. I respect their descisions...or else I'd have had several of them out horseback riding by now, for one thing. I just wish sometimes people would understand my position too, or if nothing else give me the benifit of the doubt on it.
Still searching for a group activity I'm decent enough to blend in with the others at, and that everyone's willing to do...nothing so far.
I get to babysit two of my favorite kids tonight for the last time. They're moving tomorrow. They're coming over to my house because all of their stuff is packed and on its way to Virginia. This is going to be a tough goodbye.
