Jens Blog :-)

I don't know if I can keep doing this...any of this...but I have no choice. Maybe I'll be a teacher afterall...obviously this psychology thing isn't working. I've been openly told now and had it implied before...gah. I cannot deal with insanity all my life; not like this. And I don't mean me, I mean from a psychologist's viewpoint. I don't know if i can do this...What happens if you fail at your purpose in life? If you honestly thought you'd found it...and you fail. And you keep trying and keep failing and half the time make things worse or make people mad at you and you find yourself shaking in the middle of the night rambling on in a blog...what happens then? Keep trying and never make a difference in a good way and continue mentally destroying yourself and others, or give up and lose your life's goal? Someone just tell me what I'm supposed to do. How am I supposed to know? I was smart enough to realize I couldn't be an author, I had the sense to realize that would never work....why can't I see what to do here? Being an author was even encoraged and yet I knew I had to give it up! I could make my own descision then...why not now? Am I listening to someone else's coments too much, or are so many of my own thoughts thinking the same way that it doesn't matter? People say you have pleanty of time to figure out what you want to do...you don't. Not when you need to decide now for the sake of not only yourself, but for fear of harming others.