Sunday, October 05, 2003
How is it possible to be this incredibly happy yet so unhappy at the same time? It seems like everything should be going so well now...and some things are...but I've gone back to worrying about people...and yes, people, not person. Not to mention this whole drifting thing is scaring me...not just within our "group" but with my other friends too...I was thinking today, I have friends that I once considered my best friends who I havent seen like a year, and even one I've only talked to once since last January! Not just "seen" but TALKED TO! And calling them now would be really ackward feeling...and hanging out with them again would just feel too strange. And I don't like that at all. It's bad enough with Mahitha and I-she and I saw eachother tonight for the first time since mid-August!-but at least she still knows a little bit of what's going on...well, no, not really-she doesn't know the depressing stuff, or at least very little of it. She's still a wonderful friend and I love being around her because everything seems so relaxed...but at the same time, I'm like "what happened to me being able to tell her everything?" because I just don't think I can anymore...It's not like I don't trust her or something like that, it would just feel too ackward to bring up and it's not things she'd want to talk about. I mentioned a tiny bit of one thing once...but I made it out to be such a small thing that it didn't really matter. I really miss having Mahitha around all the time though...but it's not like it used to be, and I guess that's what I miss the most.
I've been really living in my childhood lately...I'm one of the few of my friends that actually had a great childhood, and I miss it a lot. So if anyone's been wondering why I drift off and start talking about things I did as a kid...it's sort of an escape for me. Sorry if it bugs some of you...and I guess it does, considering the screwed looks I've gotten from people lately when I do that lol...but it's a subconcious thing until I'm halfway through telling a story. Maybe that's why I like kids so much. It's like not possible for me to see a kid and not at least think "aww!"
It's almost three in the morning, I haven't done my homework or studying that I should've done this afternoon, I have to clean my room tomorrow (yeah, again, I know ><) and I'm completely exausted from that dance festival. So I'm going to go to bed now and hope the stupid blisters on my feet go away. And yes, I know Isound like a crab-ignore the crabbiness; it's 3 AM! lol
I've been really living in my childhood lately...I'm one of the few of my friends that actually had a great childhood, and I miss it a lot. So if anyone's been wondering why I drift off and start talking about things I did as a kid...it's sort of an escape for me. Sorry if it bugs some of you...and I guess it does, considering the screwed looks I've gotten from people lately when I do that lol...but it's a subconcious thing until I'm halfway through telling a story. Maybe that's why I like kids so much. It's like not possible for me to see a kid and not at least think "aww!"
It's almost three in the morning, I haven't done my homework or studying that I should've done this afternoon, I have to clean my room tomorrow (yeah, again, I know ><) and I'm completely exausted from that dance festival. So I'm going to go to bed now and hope the stupid blisters on my feet go away. And yes, I know Isound like a crab-ignore the crabbiness; it's 3 AM! lol
