Jens Blog :-)

It's going to be a hard day...the last time i'll see mahitha for years most likely. It's still just beggining to hit me that she's really leaving...I just got an email from Brittany about how much she's going to miss her...and I think that made it more real for me....I don't want her to leave. It's stupid and selfish, because I've hardly seen her this year anyway, and I know she really wants to go back and be with her friends and family and the customs she's used to...but somehow that's not all that comforting when I'm trying to think of reasons to keep myself from crying. We're going out to lunch and then to Dillard to say goodbye to some teachers...and she doesn't think she can do anything on Saturday...and she leaves Sunday. I'm just shaken...I've known about this for ages; she told me years ago that they planned on moving back after her sophomore year, but it's still really hard. She never gets online and rarely checks her email now, though she promises to be better about email once she moves...so that she'll try to check it like once a week, which is actually a lot better than before, odd as it may sound to us internet-obsessors. I almost feel like I'm scared...and I'm not really sure why...except that she's the last of the "innocent" ones kinda...I'm going to miss how much of a little kid I can feel like around her, despite how it added distance between us when high school made me "grow up" faster...I love looking back at pictures of us and seeing how incredibly happy we look...our eyes are shining and we're always grinning...I love her family too, it's been a true second home to me over the years...I always felt so comfortable going over there, even in kinda odd situations...like when I spent a weekend there because my parents helped my brother move into his appartment, or when we lost power and the ice storm and they didn't and Mahitha immediately told me to come stay with them...which I did...I've called over to their house before to ask to speak with her mom, asking advice about school projects and such, usualy having something to do with India, though once it was about having twins (child development paper) since Mahitha's 8th grade brothers are identical twins...who I've yet to be able to tell apart...I was ok when one had braces, except when they refused to smile because they knew it'd drive me crazy lol, but now I'm totally hopeless, especially since their names are really similar. I call her parents "Uncle" and "Auntie" because that's a common Indian custom...it makes them more comfortable and it's comfortable to me too. I'm really going to miss all that...though Mahitha still wants me to come visit her at some time, but I'm not sure when that'd be...especially because their school year starts just as ours ends (it starts like next week!) and ours is still in session when theirs is out....an India isn't exactly a place you go for a long weekend. So we'll see how that works out eventually...I miss her already though...It's going to be weird just to learn her new phone number, especially since I've never called out of the country before...I haven't the slightest idea how expensive it is either...She's hopefully getting a webcam though...and I might ask for one for Christmas or my birthday, but I need to find out how it'd work if I got one for the Mac...and then there's the whole 12 hour time difference...ugh. I hate change, at least most of the time...I just really...I dunno...I don't want her to leave, I don't want to even think about her leaving, but I'm going to have to in about 11 1/ 2 hours...I don't want to say goodbye...and I don't want to cry...but I'm hardly controlling myself now, so I really doubt I will tomorrow...I know, I know, crying makes you feel better...but somehow this feels different...I don't want to cry because I don't want to need to cry in the first place...and you know, I really don't want to talk about it with my parents either, and when they come pick me up I know they're going to...I really hate crying infront of them...not sure why...I think the last time I actually cried infront of them was in 8th grade when my grandma died...and I don't like the lectures...or talks or whatever you'd call them....where they try to make everything all better but it really makes me feel like crying even more.

I'll be home around 3:30 or something like that I think...and I'm not really sure what I'm going to be up to doing. I'm probably going to either sit around and watch TV and be sad for a while, or want to get together with friends and distract myself, or at least get some hugs...so if anything's planned, someone let me know please...I'll see what I feel like doing then.