Sunday, July 13, 2003
Ok, now more than frustrated. Scared. So scared, so worried...
I just had to talk myself out of doing something that I swore I'd never ever do again, swore both to myself and a to friend who didn't even know I had. I'm so scared that I came that close to it again...terrified...and I'm still pushing thoughts of it away but they continue to haunt me. What's wrong with me? I thought I was ok...and sometimes I still am...but apparently I'm not quite so good as I thought. This takes entirely too long to end. I thought a break would fix things...instead it slaps them back into my face. What am I supposed to do?
I miss things from before...all I need right now is a nice long cry...and I can't have it. It's not fair. Nor are most things that happen in the world. I can't believe what people are given to deal with...especially so young. And no, I'm not talking about me anymore. Whatever happened to our happiest moments being in our childhood? If this is good...I don't want to see adulthood, for myself or anyone else.
I don't know what to do...I'm supposed to help other people, but how can I when whenever I try I make things worse or make myself miserable in the process? Why does this keep happening?
I just had to talk myself out of doing something that I swore I'd never ever do again, swore both to myself and a to friend who didn't even know I had. I'm so scared that I came that close to it again...terrified...and I'm still pushing thoughts of it away but they continue to haunt me. What's wrong with me? I thought I was ok...and sometimes I still am...but apparently I'm not quite so good as I thought. This takes entirely too long to end. I thought a break would fix things...instead it slaps them back into my face. What am I supposed to do?
I miss things from before...all I need right now is a nice long cry...and I can't have it. It's not fair. Nor are most things that happen in the world. I can't believe what people are given to deal with...especially so young. And no, I'm not talking about me anymore. Whatever happened to our happiest moments being in our childhood? If this is good...I don't want to see adulthood, for myself or anyone else.
I don't know what to do...I'm supposed to help other people, but how can I when whenever I try I make things worse or make myself miserable in the process? Why does this keep happening?
