Thursday, October 09, 2003
OK...creative writing...free time to work on our stories which I really don't want to do because I'd rather do it on the computer, and since it's on the mac I can't put it on a disk to bring here. Anyway....I'm going to blog now, since I just read a bunch of other people's blogs.
I've still been focusing a lot on what I want to do with my life. I guess I just focused on being a psychologist or counselor for so long that I hadn't really considered other options. But now...I don't know...I don't think I could handle psychology. I mean, I can barely do it now-just imagine a career of that, every day listening to people's problems and trying to help them through them...It's overwhelming. And then I keep thinking back to Youth..."Don't do what you want to do; do what God want you to do." Everytime I try to get out of this, something else is thrown at me...sometimes I get a break which is absolute bliss...but then things just come back...and I wonder if that means I'm supposed to keep at it? I guess it does. But...I'm scared. I'm terrified, actually. The idea of continuing with counseling...its horrific. I'm not even really "dealing with" very much right now, and the bit that I am is driving me crazy. And besides that...I'm scared because I think getting so worked up over everything has made me lose some of my caring for people...I mean, I still worry, I give hugs...but I just don't want to listen to the problems anymore, and I don't like that feeling. I'm nosy, no point in denying that, so I sort of want to know what's going on...but at the same time I really don't. I'm just sick of sad things...they've consumed a huge part of my life over the last...wow, nearly a year...I mean, the only plot I could come up with for my creative writing story was about a girl cutting herself! And I've never written anything like that before. When I get a taste of happiness, it's so wonderful that I just can't stand to let go.
I'm scared to write the details out in my private blog. That's a really creepy feeling. I actually have no entries in it now since the first one got deleeted...It's annother one of those "what if it's a message from God?" things...because I've really been watching those lately...one of those things possibly saved a few lives, I later found out...and I'm scared someone might read it, somehow finding the address or something...and for some reason, it's a lot easier to type things out than write them, so I really don't want to try writing it out in a diary.
In other news...Corey and I are going to Anna's chorus concert tonight...so that'll be much fun ^^ Tomorrow I get to go to the Apex-Cary football game and finally see the orc show! yayness (yesh, my reaction to the football game is "yay I get to watch the marching band/orcs!" haha...that's what I get for being an uncoordinated band dork lol)...then spending Saturday w/Corey and his family and some of their friends from Greensborough...so this weekend should be really nice...Definitly looking forward to it.
I've still been focusing a lot on what I want to do with my life. I guess I just focused on being a psychologist or counselor for so long that I hadn't really considered other options. But now...I don't know...I don't think I could handle psychology. I mean, I can barely do it now-just imagine a career of that, every day listening to people's problems and trying to help them through them...It's overwhelming. And then I keep thinking back to Youth..."Don't do what you want to do; do what God want you to do." Everytime I try to get out of this, something else is thrown at me...sometimes I get a break which is absolute bliss...but then things just come back...and I wonder if that means I'm supposed to keep at it? I guess it does. But...I'm scared. I'm terrified, actually. The idea of continuing with counseling...its horrific. I'm not even really "dealing with" very much right now, and the bit that I am is driving me crazy. And besides that...I'm scared because I think getting so worked up over everything has made me lose some of my caring for people...I mean, I still worry, I give hugs...but I just don't want to listen to the problems anymore, and I don't like that feeling. I'm nosy, no point in denying that, so I sort of want to know what's going on...but at the same time I really don't. I'm just sick of sad things...they've consumed a huge part of my life over the last...wow, nearly a year...I mean, the only plot I could come up with for my creative writing story was about a girl cutting herself! And I've never written anything like that before. When I get a taste of happiness, it's so wonderful that I just can't stand to let go.
I'm scared to write the details out in my private blog. That's a really creepy feeling. I actually have no entries in it now since the first one got deleeted...It's annother one of those "what if it's a message from God?" things...because I've really been watching those lately...one of those things possibly saved a few lives, I later found out...and I'm scared someone might read it, somehow finding the address or something...and for some reason, it's a lot easier to type things out than write them, so I really don't want to try writing it out in a diary.
In other news...Corey and I are going to Anna's chorus concert tonight...so that'll be much fun ^^ Tomorrow I get to go to the Apex-Cary football game and finally see the orc show! yayness (yesh, my reaction to the football game is "yay I get to watch the marching band/orcs!" haha...that's what I get for being an uncoordinated band dork lol)...then spending Saturday w/Corey and his family and some of their friends from Greensborough...so this weekend should be really nice...Definitly looking forward to it.
