Sunday, September 05, 2004
I've decided that my offical title for the past week is the sad, stresed-out PMS monster. I hate hormones. I think all that kept me sane this week was thinking about getting to see Corey this weekend...because either Melissa misunderstood him or I misunderstood her, so I thought he was going to be here. And he's not. And he's sick, too, so I dunno if I'll get to see him Monday, though I don't know if I'd get to anyway because I don't know what time he'll be home. And next weekend, he leaves right after the football game...so I thought we could do something Friday afternoon before the game...but I have a physical therapy appointment at 4:00, and they usually last a little over an hour...and he'll have to be at school by like 5:45 for marching band. Bah. I miss him soooo much...I hate how school and marching band keep us from having time even to talk online lately, much less time in person. The 10ish minutes I spend with him a day are my reason for waking up in the morning, and yet they never feel like enough.
It's not that the week sucked constantly or anything, but it was a lot harder than things have been lately. I've got what feels like a lot on my mind, though when I compare it to things other people deal with or even what I've delt with in the past, this should be absolutely nothing. And yet I feel like I'm going to cry so often...last night I just broke down and cried when I went to bed...for no particular reason...I just needed to cry. How rediculous does that sound? I wasn't thinking of a certain thing...but the emotion of worrying about several friends combined with missing Corey overwhelmed me...I ended up telling myself to be greatful I can cry, because not being able to cry is one of the worst feelings in the world...but somehow that made me think of what other times I've cried...and my mind jumped from the day after spring break last year (the day we found out about Briann and Kassel), which also made me think of Ross' cousin...and I thought about freshman year...and realized that bad things seem to happen the day we come back from spring break each year, because that was my big day of crying as a freshman...and then I thought about losing people and scared myself and worried about being away from them, especially at college...ugh. Not my happiest night.
Today, I did a bunch of cleaning...and then had a gathering...which was ok...we played a long game of Scrabble, which was fun...but there were so many unhappy faces...some of which I knew the reasons, some I still don't...Two of which will hopefully be solved now since Anna and Marc just broke up :-\ many hugs to you both...Anyway...we watched some of a Batman movie...I think I snapped at about 1/2 the people there, sorry guys >< I'm still blaming evil hormones.
It's not that the week sucked constantly or anything, but it was a lot harder than things have been lately. I've got what feels like a lot on my mind, though when I compare it to things other people deal with or even what I've delt with in the past, this should be absolutely nothing. And yet I feel like I'm going to cry so often...last night I just broke down and cried when I went to bed...for no particular reason...I just needed to cry. How rediculous does that sound? I wasn't thinking of a certain thing...but the emotion of worrying about several friends combined with missing Corey overwhelmed me...I ended up telling myself to be greatful I can cry, because not being able to cry is one of the worst feelings in the world...but somehow that made me think of what other times I've cried...and my mind jumped from the day after spring break last year (the day we found out about Briann and Kassel), which also made me think of Ross' cousin...and I thought about freshman year...and realized that bad things seem to happen the day we come back from spring break each year, because that was my big day of crying as a freshman...and then I thought about losing people and scared myself and worried about being away from them, especially at college...ugh. Not my happiest night.
Today, I did a bunch of cleaning...and then had a gathering...which was ok...we played a long game of Scrabble, which was fun...but there were so many unhappy faces...some of which I knew the reasons, some I still don't...Two of which will hopefully be solved now since Anna and Marc just broke up :-\ many hugs to you both...Anyway...we watched some of a Batman movie...I think I snapped at about 1/2 the people there, sorry guys >< I'm still blaming evil hormones.
